I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
