another moral hangover. fuck.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
