And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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