There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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