HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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