I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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