just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
