He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
