worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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