Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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