Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE