Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
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Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.