You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.