My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
