this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
