Ambien. No doubt about it.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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