it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
