you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
