my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
