meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
