All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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