I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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