then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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