mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
