I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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