I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
