I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
