I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
