I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
