Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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