Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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