We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
