so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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