I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
