In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Enjoy the penises
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
