I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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