The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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