I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm at about main and main street
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
