hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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