I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
