I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Someone signed my nipple.
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