I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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