i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
