I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
