you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
