is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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