i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
