He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
