I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
