I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
