and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
