bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
