I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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