Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
