I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
