Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
