You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
