Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
