The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
