Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
