I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
