Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
