you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
