But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
