i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
