If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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