i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
