Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
