I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
