people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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